Tomorrow… tomorrow is only a day away. These past two months have nearly flown by, which is strange considering that I’ve had to fight so fiercely to even get this far. I’ll admit that I’m weary… so very weary, and the thought of what I still have to face is daunting, but I have what must be an inexhaustible source of strength: my Tina, my wife, my life, the other mother to my children, and a bright beacon of hope that will lead me safely home through these turbulent waters.
I look over and gaze into her warm, hazel eyes and a surge of gratification rolls through me that’s so complete and so intense that only my soul can understand it. She has been solid throughout this ordeal, not wavering once in her infinite love and support, and I realize just how lucky I am. Some people will never know this feeling and the only reason I do, is because one fortuitous night more than a decade ago, she literally just walked into my life. And for some inexplicable reason, she gave herself to me. She is mine and I am most undoubtedly hers.
The corner of her mouth quirks into a satisfied grin as her eyes lock onto my own, searching my very soul, and offering nothing less than all of herself to me. Her delicate eyebrow lifts and I don’t hesitate to reach out and stroke it with a reverent thumb, confirming it as reality as I touch my soul mate, my best friend, and my lover. My thumb makes a track down to the corner of those full, crooked lips of its own free will and I watch with awe as that simple touch causes a flush of pink to blossom across her collar, a matching flush blooming in my sex. Yes, she is mine and I am hers.
“Are we boring you two?” It takes a long moment but we finally tear our eyes from each other to again focus on Whit and Joyce. Joyce is leaning back in her chair with a knowing gleam in her eyes and Whit seems frustrated. “Have you heard anything I’ve been saying?” I gape at Whit with wide, innocent eyes, indeed having no clue what he’s been saying. He sighs and shakes his head. “Alright, I guess you’re as ready as you’re going to get by tomorrow. We’ll see you bright and early at 8:30.”
I know I should have been paying attention to them as they tried one last time to prep us, but it’s all so redundant at this point. Right now, what I need is the life affirming connection of my wife and our family. I need to surround myself in them and hold onto that. I don’t lack hope or even confidence, but I refuse to set myself up for a fall of this magnitude without at least some realism. No matter what, I’ll find a way to have a life with them, it just may not be ideal.
Joyce and Whit stand, and Tina and I walk them to the door. “I apologize for being so distracted.”
Whit smirks at me. “It’s common this close to trial to get distracted. I know that part of you feels like these could be your last moments with your family. It’s normal. But you will need to focus if you want to be sure they’re not your last. I think you’re both ready and I’m confident. Enjoy today. It’s going to get worse before it gets better.”
Well, those are sparkling words of encouragement. I realize that he’s just a very pragmatic man, and I’m glad to have him for the trial, but that’s hardly the pep talk of the century. Whit exits and Joyce lingers in the doorway, turning to smile at us. “Don’t worry, we’re going to give ‘em hell tomorrow.”
“Thanks, Joyce. We’ll see you in the morning.” She eyes us knowingly before she steps away and I roll my eyes as I shut and lock the door behind her.
I look to Tina who steps forward and wraps her arms around my neck, her eyes bright and open as she says, “So…” She runs her hands through the hair at the base of my neck, scraping her nails along my scalp, across my shoulders, and up my neck, sending jolts of tingling sensations from the top of my head to the tips of my curling toes. “…we still have an hour before the kids should be up.”
She smiles sexily and all thought of restraint or pretense slips away as I dip down to kiss her. It’s hungry and so wet that it borders on sloppy, but is there any better way to savor a woman? Tina pulls back and I can’t help but chuckle as she makes a run for the stairs, pulling her clothes off and leaving a trail for me as she quickly but quietly makes her way to the master bedroom.
I pick up her blouse, then her bra as I reach the second landing of the stairs. She’s waiting for me at the top and tosses her underwear, hitting me squarely in the face. I drop everything else to retrieve them on reflex and the sweet, musky smell of her reaches me, calling me and telling me how ready she is. I gaze up at her with lusty eyes. She quirks a finger at me and it’s as if I’m being reeled in on a fishing line. I make my way towards her only for her to pull further away. She entices me this way until we finally reach the master bedroom and I shut the door, taking her smooth, exposed body in my arms.
I lean down to kiss her again but she avoids my mouth, nipping her teeth along my pulse point, dragging her lips across the corners of my mouth, reaching and touching everywhere but where I need her as she removes my clothes for me. My voice is rough with eroticism as I breathe out, “Are you trying to kill me?” She grins at me but still won’t let me have her. In fact, she’s even more determined to keep me on the edge now that I’ve voiced my disapproval. When I’m finally free of the last of my clothing, there’s very little she can do to resist me as I take her face in my hands and crush our mouths together, groaning at the delicious sensation of her tongue against mine.
I pull the muscle into my mouth as she pulls me to the bed and down on top of her. Our chests are heaving as we pull apart and gaze at one another. She strokes the unruly curls away from my eyes as she says, “I’d be lost without you.”
I kiss each corner of her mouth. “Then it’s a good thing you’re stuck with me.”
She smiles sadly as she sighs. “I-I’m scared, Bette. I’m scared they’re going to take you away from us.”
Her eyes and her voice are so vulnerable that I feel a chill run down my spine. She’s been so steady for me and for our children, when in reality she’s probably been scared out of her mind. How can I reassure her when I’m not even sure myself? “T, close your eyes.”
She doesn’t hesitate to flutter them closed and I take just a moment to gaze at her. This wondrous creature that I know was made specifically for me is trusting and open, and all I have to do to find supreme solace is walk into her embrace. Her lush, wavy hair is like glittering corn silk in the afternoon sun that fills the room; the light dusting of freckles along her shoulders makes my heart fall into my toes; her coral lips are parted as her sweet, life giving breath comes out in quick, shuddering gasps to wash over me like a calming current; the muted glow of pink arousal tinting her skin proves that her body knows me on a physical level, because she loves me on all levels.
Whatever happens at this trial doesn’t even matter anymore. It’s carried out of the window on a single wisp of her breath and all I feel left in me is my love for her, for this life we’ve built, for the future we’ll have. It’s impossible to know or believe, but the faith is there. We are fated. All of these things that stand between us and try to keep us apart are just what keep everything interesting. Nothing can tear us apart because all the laws of life bind us together. Nothing will tear us asunder.
I smile as I lean down and breathe hotly over her nipple. She shudders and I watch as the skin tightens and pebbles. “Do you feel that, T?” She swallows hard, licks her lips, and nods. I drag my tongue over the tip and down her torso, and she grinds her head back into the pillows as I stop to breathe her in and nuzzle the most intimate parts of her. I let my lips flutter over the delicate skin of her sex as I ask again, “Do you feel that?” Her hips jerk sharply and she whimpers. I have to lean up to keep her from taking what she wants, what I want to give her, but I have a point to make.
“Good, how about this?” I push my hands up under her and spread her wider, so wide that the position lifts her hips slightly up off the bed and I can actually see into her as more arousal seeps from the glistening rose-colored flesh before me. I lick and nip at the backs of her thighs, getting as close as I dare without actually touching her. Her hips are pinned where I want them and there’s nothing she can do to stop this torture, though I doubt that she would try to stop it if she could. “Do you feel me, T?”
Her grip on the comforter is painfully tight as her chest heaves with the force of her breaths. Her voice is wavering between irritation and pleading as she says, “Yes, it’s just not enough. Please…”
I stretch my tongue as far back as I can get it under her and drag it forward slowly, holding on tightly to her spread thighs. She starts to shudder violently as I come across her opening all the way to the tip of her center where she cries out, “Fuck…!” I nearly fall into an orgasm just from the first sound and taste of her. I press my thighs tightly together and take a deep breath to calm myself before climbing up her body and coming face-to-face with her.
I allow the lust coursing through me to reach a fever pitch as I stammer out, “T… look at me.”
She opens her glassy eyes and it takes a moment, but she finally focuses on me. The depth of our connection has been heightened by physical passion, just as it always is and always will be. Sex is just the byproduct of our love for one another, and I can see myself deep in her eyes, her very soul, burning away in a fire bent on burning out of control and consuming us both. “Do you feel it?” Tears well in her eyes as she nods. Of course she knows. The deep, soul-rending connection we share is tangible in precious moments like these. I secure her tightly under my weight, in my arms, as I push my center down and lock it with hers. There’s a moment of super intense sensation as my sex accustoms itself to the heat of her soaked center, and a deep, slowly gliding motion sets in. I don’t take my eyes off of hers, though my voice is weak. “Do-do you feel me?”
Her tears start to leak from the sides of her eyes. “Yes, I feel you… everywhere…”
I kiss one of her tears away, holding mine at bay for a moment longer. I look back down at her, keeping our rhythm steady, our bodies tightly entwined as I speak from my heart. “I can do what I want but you’ll always know who I am. I can say what I want but you’ll know what I’m really thinking. I can go where I want but you won’t be too far away. And no matter where I go, you know where I’ll end up.” I place a short gasping kiss to the breast over her heart before meeting her eyes again. “Do you understand me… do you feel me?”
She starts to cry harder as she takes my face in her hands, kissing me hard as our bodies flex and release together, pouring all of our fear and uncertainty into each other to receive only love in return. I hold us both together as we explode and expand, unable to know where one of us begins and the other ends as every inch of us, from eyelashes to heartstrings, mingles together and makes us one flesh, one soul, inhabiting two vessels that are and always will be utterly and irrevocably linked, no matter the distance between us.