Chapter 3 – Demented and sad, but social.

“Fuck me! This place is awesome!” I jerk up at the sound of Alice’s voice and stab myself in the eye with mascara.

I throw it roughly onto the counter. “Fuck Alice! How did you get in here?” I rub at my stinging eye gently.

She smiles apologetically. “Your wife let me in.” Fuck she would have to go there and distract me. And Tina standing behind her in nothing but a towel and a sexy smirk doesn’t help much.

I can’t help but smile and forget the teary pain in my permanently closed eye. “T, I’m beginning to think that we’ll have serious parenting issues.” I gesture to Alice. “This sort of behavior is just…unacceptable.”

They start to laugh and I roll my good eye before again trying to open the other one, but it won’t budge and it’s still watering. I grab a tissue from the box on the bathroom counter and start to dab at it. “Here…let me help.” Tina takes my tissue from my hand and starts to swipe at the tears and smeared mascara but of course it’s waterproof.

I see my reflection in the mirror and sigh. One of my fake eyelashes is askew and there’s a large black stain where I jabbed myself.  “I look like Tammy Faye Bakker…” They both giggle at this and I smile at the warm sound closest to me. I gaze down at her. Her makeup and hair are perfectly, elegantly styled. She’s wearing her gold locks loose and wavy and it makes her appear…wild, untamable even…but sophisticated. Her makeup is only enough to accentuate, not hide the porcelain face and hazel eyes so vibrantly on display.

I finally open my other eye and she smiles at me. “There, good as new. You’ll need to fix your eyelash though…” I turn back to the mirror and start to reset the eyelash.

“Everyone’s ready when you guys are. I hope you’re ready to cut loose tonight, because I’m getting you both so fucked up, you’ll need a tub of concealer to cover the liver spots and mild jaundice for your wedding photos.”

I look at Alice with patient exasperation. “That’s a lovely thought Al…”

She beams a smile at me. “You guys can trust that I know how to show a girl a good time.” She claps her hands. “Now, dress nice but comfortable. It’s going to be a long night.” She laughs ominously and we both watch her leave and walk towards the door. Just before it shuts she says, “And hurry up you two!”

I look to Tina with a worried expression and she pats me on the cheek before turning and losing the towel as she makes her way towards the suitcase. I gaze longingly at the wonderful sway in her hips and the slight bounce in her ass and close my eyes. Long night indeed. It’ll be close to seventy-two hours before I touch that again…


It is seven o’clock by the time the limo pulls up to Valentino’s mansion. Everyone exits the vehicle and I smile as they all stare at the large, well maintained estate. It almost looks like a castle with its large stone columns, balconies, and gorgeous private access to Cooper’s Beach, but it’s been updated to a beautifully modern but traditionally elegant home. I say home because despite its size and grandeur, it feels like one. And it only gets better on the inside.

Valentino comes through the hand carved double doors at the front with a joyous smile on his face and greets us in his warm authentic Italian lilt. “Ah, I’m so glad you have arrived. Come, dinner is nearly ready. I’ll share my home with you first if you’d like.”

We all start to follow him and I feel Tina’s small, warm hand slip into my own. I look down and smile at her radiant face as we make our way through the large doors into a beautiful open foyer. The staircase is the focal point of the room, directly in front and split with landings on each side of the large archway underneath. The warm hand carved woods, elegant wainscoating, and formal but comfortable seating are everything you’d expect of old world, Victorian aristocracy. It’s everything you can expect from Valentino.

The art is priceless originals. I’d know; I supplied most of them for him. Even at my worst, Valentino’s requests and requisitions maintained the exceedingly high standards I had at one time and plan to have again. I smile at the faces around me as they take it all in. “This…is the crowning jewel of the whole estate. It is meant to make an impact. It is successful, no?”

I look to his smugly grinning face and wink at him. He laughs uproariously, accentuating his boyish good looks and movie star smile. “Come…let me show you the rest and then we will sit for dinner. I do not wish to keep you long. I’m sure you have an…eventful evening…ahead of you.”

He smiles coyly at me. “Are you sure you can’t join us Valentino?”

He face falls with true regret. “Ah, I’m aggrieved to miss such a momentous occassion, but I cannot. One of my clients is arriving early in the morning for a meeting. I cannot miss it.” He smiles brightly. “But, once the business is concluded, I will be at your disposal. Now, come…”

We start to follow him through the archway, and as he’s speaking of the different rooms, accoutrements, and history of the manor, Ricky sidles up to me and leans in close to my ear. “Girl, please tell me that gorgeous hunk of Italian man is gay…and single…”

I grin slyly at him and he claps excitedly shouting, “I knew it! I just knew it!”

Everyone stops and stares at him in confusion while Tina and I quietly laugh together. Valentino furrows his thick brows at him curiously before asking, “You knew that the floors are imported from Bali?”

“Oh…um…yes, of course! I mean, you can tell! They’re gorgeous, just gorgeous…” He sashays up to Valentino and they continue to talk animatedly with each other as we continue through the house. I turn to Tina she shakes her head with that beautifully incredulous eyebrow raised.

We continue on the expansive tour. Having witnessed two of the more historic rooms and the entire ground floor, we finally reach the dining room. “Please, have a seat.” He snaps his fingers and attendants enter, placing a beautifully prepared lobster dish in front of each of us. “I hope you ladies…” He looks to Ricky and grins sensually. I swear his voice even drops an octave as he says, “…and gentlemen…” He addresses the rest of us again in a normal voice. “…enjoy seafood. It’s fresh, from the very ocean outside that window.”

He gestures to the large open windows that line the magnificent view and we all chorus our pleasure. His smile is pleased as he sits. “Very good, now…” He raises his champagne glass and says, “To Bette and Tina; may life, love, and prosperity follow you all the days of your life. Salute!” We all raise our own glasses and chorus, ‘Salute,’ before taking a sip and digging into the wonderful meal. Tina and I smirk at each other as we see him lean into Ricky and start to converse intimately. This is definitely going to be a good weekend, for everyone.


“Alice, sit down!” I tug on the jeans covering her leg but she doesn’t move.

“That’s right baby! I love New York! Whoo!” I look to Dana and she giggles as she leans forward, grabbing Alice behind the knees and dumping her back into limo. She scrambles to her feet while I shut the sunroof and she glares a hole through me.

She gets back into her seat with a huff and points at me. “I may have let Kit off the hook tonight, but you are not getting out of this Porter. You’ll have fun if it kills me…and you.” She leans over to the mini bar and pours tequila into a row of shot glasses before passing them around. I look at everyone, Shane, Carmen, Dana, Dylan, Helena, Ricky, and Tina, and notice that I’m the only one not fully enjoying myself. In fact, I’m being a buzz kill. I sigh. I’m still learning. This is my bachelorette party. What is wrong with me?

I reach for my shot and turn to Tina next to me. She smiles at me and I realize that getting a little crazy, maybe even obnoxious can be fun, if I’ll just let it. Tina lifts the crux of her thumb to my mouth and I lean forward to run my tongue along the small area. Okay, I can get into this. She grins slyly at me before taking my hand and doing the same for me. It’s quick, but warm and wet and I have to close my eyes as I feel a flush of warmth shoot through me to settle low between my hips.

I feel the grainy salt hit my hand and open my eyes to see her salt her own. She holds her hand to my lips again and I suck the salty skin into my mouth before I toss back one of the shots.  It follows the flush or arousal as it burns down the length of my spine and I lean forward to kiss her deeply, taking the wedge of lime from her lips.

I lean back and pull the rind from my mouth, placing it in the empty shot glass and hand it to Alice. Tina picks up my hand and licks off the salt in a slow, firm swipe before downing her own shot. I place a fresh wedge between my teeth, and she nearly attacks my mouth as she tries to retrieve it. I don’t want to let it go or her with it, but I do. She smiles at me as she pulls away and removes the rind but I follow her and kiss her now uninhibited lips. It’s open, and full, and salty, and even a little bitter, but it’s warm and sweet, and Tina. I break the kiss and lick my lips to make sure I haven’t missed any of her that may still linger there.

I look up to see Alice grin radiantly at me before passing us both another shot. Tina accepts without complaint and I follow her lead with a hesitant sigh. I hope Alice brought enough concealer…


We stumble into the pitch black club laughing at…something, and the heavy bass is so loud that the vibrations tickle in my intestines. I feel the warm arm around my waist tighten before the body under my elbow moves away from me. I stumble a little at the loss of support and see Alice laughing and pulling Tina towards the mass of writhing bodies in the middle of the large open room. Ricky and Dana follow as Carmen grabs my hands and pulls me along after them, Shane pushing me from the back. I can see them laughing but I can’t hear the sound. It’s surreal, as if it’s happening in slow motion, and I can’t help but laugh with them.

The sharp contrast of neon lights in the black atmosphere glint off the smiling teeth surrounding me and it reminds me of a sea of tiny, laughing Cheshire cats. I guffaw and can’t even hear the sound of it as it rumbles out of me, and that makes me laugh even harder. Anything that’s white gleams in an eerie phosphorescent glow as a veritable sea of intoxicated women swoop in to fill the spaces around us.

We start dancing together, all of us, and a woman in a tight white tank top and jeans meandering through the bodies with a small rack of what appear to be test tubes, passes us, handing them to anyone and everyone as she goes. We all take one, except for Tina who just keeps dancing, and I look at the bright liquid, smiling before downing it and slamming the empty container to the floor. I look around me to see my friends and several others in the crowd do the same and we start dancing raucously to the quick, heavy tempo.

I can’t taste the liquid, I can hardly feel it. But the world starts to spin and swirl together in a neon kaleidoscope of color. It’s incredible; this feeling of being sucked in to something so riotously quiet beneath the echoing melodic bass.

We continue dancing together as a group, but I eventually move towards the center where Tina is jumping and twisting. Shane leaves and returns quickly with small lengths of neon rope and starts hanging pieces of them around everyone’s neck. I still can’t hear anything but the pounding bass, but everyone is laughing and jumping and the waitress passes by again, so we all take another tube, Tina again refusing before continuing to dance.

Carmen turns and throws the tube hard to her feet and she and Tina both start to grab at their collars. It’s hot, almost sweltering, and my own sweater starts to feel tediously heavy. I pull it up over my head and I feel the warm air against my exposed arms and chest, my white spaghetti string tank top glowing like a beacon. Tina notices and pulls her shirt off as well. Her tank is black but her pale skin and teeth glow with radiant flush of happiness and intoxication. Everyone else follows and soon the whole crowd has handfuls of fabric spinning wildly above their heads like mini helicopters.

Tina and I smile brightly at each other and throw our clothes into the mass of bodies just as the music turns decidedly faster and the sea around us shakes with intensity. She grabs the hair at my neck hard and pulls me in for a bruising kiss that’s needy and hungry and I meet her with my own desperate tongue. I run my hands up the smooth, slick skin beneath the tank on her back and while I can’t hear the groan, I can feel it rumble low in her throat against my tongue.

Suddenly Tina is jerked away from me by Shane and Alice grabs me as well, pulling me roughly through the strangely glowing bodies that surround us. We reach some stairs at the end of a stage and I trip and fall forward on my hands and knees, laughing as Alice tries to pull me up, only to tumble down with me in her own laughter. Dana helps us both through her own fits of giggles and Alice grabs a rack of test tubes from another waitress as she walks by.

We stagger over to the rest of the group on the stage and all of us but Tina take another tube as a woman hands me some mallets with a smile. I look down at the strangely glowing radioactive sticks as she hands another set to Tina. The woman smiles brightly at us as she takes some condiment bottles and covers the large drums in front of us with more of the glowing liquid.

I look to Tina and we both smile as we step up and start to hammer into the drums, the liquid coating us in bright phosphorescent splatters. The music and mass of bodies swirl around us and I can’t feel anything physical. It’s as if I’ve stepped outside myself, and I feel utterly free of all sense of decorum or manners or responsibility. I am just enjoying myself; Tina is enjoying herself, pure and simple…

Continued in Chapter 4 – Relax would you? We have seventy dollars and a pair of girls’ underpants. We’re safe as kittens.

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